...if my souls needs to shed some tears, then let them flow...

Říjen 2012

... it hurts so that something so strong someday will be gone....

12. října 2012 v 18:33 | Ettie |  My ´life´ via lyric...

.... Mom, I love you to the moon and back ....

"Come on mommy with me
We're gonna fly away from here!
Out of this curtained room, from the whole pain, sadness, madness will just disappear
Come on, mommy, with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You ARE my best 22 years..... "
I enter the room
sit by your bed all through the night again
I watch your daily fight
I hardly know....
And the pain
IS almost more than we both CAN bear
... heaven is a place nearby
we won't be so far away
So there's no need to say goodbye
I'll always be by your side
I´m suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
And I held your hand through all of these years
and you still have all of me.....

.... I remember those words you said to me before you went to the hospital for the first time .... I remember your laugh.... I still remember how we used to play.... Remember how you used to take care of me.... I remember your blue eyes looking into mine like we had our own secret club
I still feel you hold my hand and from even that moment I knew You can and will fight hard like a GIRL....
I remember the drive home when the blind hope turned to crying and screaming, "Why?!?"
Flowers piled up in the worst way and no one knows what to say about mom to a daughter about dying, and what to say back to you.......
I remember everyday when I kiss your face I whisper in your ear:

"Come on mommy with me
We're gonna fly away from here!
Out of this curtained room, from the whole pain, sadness, madness will just disappear
Come on, mommy, with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You ARE my best 22 years..... "

What if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you?
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through?
But what if the miracle was even getting one moment with you.....

I love you to the moon and back......

"Now I know, there is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child
And I know alove so complete, someday must leave, must say goodbye....."

Songs and lyrics I used and changed for my needs are:
My immortal- Evanescence
Goodbye´s the saddest world (Mama)- Celine Dion
Heaven is a place nearby- Lene Marlin
Ronan by Taylor Swift
Iris by Goo Goo Dolls/Boyce Avenue
I am sorry, I just don´t know what to do :( My mom is dying for years, it´s still worse and worse, those 5 months are nightmare. I am really glad to have her, that I can take care of her, that she is not giving up, that she is fighting. I wish I´d be more as she is.
I am just emotionaly done, I wake up every morning and she is still here, fighting and me on the other hand crying, praying. I am really trying, I do everything I can to be her shelter. I just wish my mom would just know me, remember me, if she could even talk or something... but it´s all killing me, all the weight on my shoulder :( I know there is a lot of people who are ill, who are dying, people who already died and theirs family would bring them back if they could... i would do the same... I just don´t see the point why this all is happening :( Why just the whole pain and sorrow could not end soon for her, for us. Wish her find the peace finaly and be with loved they are already in heaven...
I love her, I am fighting the stroke with her for almost 12 years, she is my hero, my fighter, my angel... I know it´s hard with her and without her it will be much harder, but I can´t be a good daughter anymore, i don´t have enough strenght..... but as always I have to find the strenght somehow, cause SHE needs me.............
Gotta go, mom is calling
... and I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be ...

Cause sooner or later it's over
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand ....
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am .....

NCISLA is back! :)

12. října 2012 v 17:38 | Ettie |  NCISLA


8. října 2012 v 20:21 | Ettie |  My ´life´ via lyric...
Spend all our time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok...
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
we'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here ....
escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees ....